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Yet I only feel like I actually have a voice as long as it conforms to what he wants it to be.

He really does not believe he is at fault in any way.

Question: I am thrilled to have discovered your book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, after months of searching for a Christian perspective and understanding of what is happening to me. In the course of our marriage I have been very submissive, have followed him to church environments that feel comfortable to him (even when I disagree with some of their beliefs, or I don’t align well with their culture and community). When I felt called to try a different church one time (and rightly so, as it deeply ministered to my crushed spirit)— he told me that I would have to face potential church discipline, perhaps be officially declared no longer a Christian.

He has essentially rendered it impossible for me to have an opinion about anything, because he is the one who studied it, who knows more, and he stands on the side of truth. I have gotten to the point where I believe that as soon as I step “out of line” I will be sent straight to hell.

If you call smothering someone to death love, then perhaps he might love you in his own way. He is not encouraging you at all because there is no you in the relationship. He wants you to know Him for yourself and have your own relationship with Him, one that is not mediated by your spouse.

If you are to love your husband, what is in his best interests right now?

You have no freedom to think for yourself what God might be saying to you since he does the thinking for both of you.What was supposed to be a 4 to 5-hour drive turned into a 7-hour drive from getting lost and dealing with Washington DC traffic.I was physically exhausted but God kept my energy high and my mind clear. For those of you who are interested in joining CONQUER, membership opens as of this evening after my webinar and will close again for another 6 months on .It was all due to the prayers you sent up on my behalf. CONQUER is an ongoing educational and support group for women in destructive marriages. My situation has a particularly messy spiritual element to it.If you’d like more information about joining CONQUER click here. My husband has spent most of his life studying the Bible and theology, went to an ultra-conservative seminary, and regularly dissects God’s word as an academic/ scholarly pursuit.

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